In this movie we have the continuation of the adventures of Rick O'Connell (now with the nickname "Ricochet," which is so fucking clever I can't even stand it), his wife Evelyn, and their now adult son Alex. Unfortunately while Brendan Fraser did a great job playing essentially a more "shoot first and ask questions later" Indiana Jones knockoff in the first two movies, the third movie jumped straight to Crystal Skull territory. Therefore I dub this the fourth movie in the franchise, although Scorpion King is no Last Crusade.
What is it with action movies and how kids ruin everything? In The Mummy Returns, little Alex had some charm as a little smartass kid that knew some Egyptian stuff from his mom and had the spunk of his dad. In this movie he should be about twice that age, yet his smartassery has no real charm. Instead he comes off as a punk kid that actually does want to be Indiana Jones - except without doing the work of getting a Ph.D. (he is DOCTOR Jones, after all). Still, don't get me wrong, this movie is better than Crystal Skull. I think it's the whole "not crapping all over my childhood" thing that makes it better, or maybe the "this kid actually has a legitimate reason to be a cocky bastard," or perhaps the "at least they're still fighting mummies" part.
As for Rick and Evelyn, I must commend Rachel Weisz for opting out of this movie. In many ways there is nothing new for these characters at all - of course Rick happens to know the old colorful comerade from back in the day, but Evelyn doesn't really show off that much knowledge. Despite having been a librarian before, and presumably active in WWII (this movie takes place a few years after the war), she's now... writing romance novels? What? She knows enough crap to be a fucking professor of Egyptology and she's doing that? Meanwhile Brendan Fraser indulges in some flyfishing slapstick that really just isn't that funny. Of course, this is just to show how the two have retired, and how they are both unhappy with that retirement, but I mean, come ON.
All that aside, however, Jonathan (John Hannah) still manages to provide ACTUAL comedic relief, once he shows up on screen. Furthermore, once the O'Connells get to China and the mummy wakes up (although I'm not really sure if you can call the Emperor a mummy... but they do, repeatedly, anyway) then the good times are rolling. This movie has very solid special effects and CGI, which is characteristic of the first two Mummy movies and fortunately continued in this one. Once again there's some social friction between members of the family that usually results in yelling and arguing over guns, which is rather entertaining. Also, while she isn't the original, Maria Bello does a good job of taking over the role of Evelyn, staying true to the character and showing us the continued built-up confidence the character gained since the original film, where she was the damsel-in-distress. There's travel, races through the streets, and new enemies who want to awaken the mummy for their own personal gain who at least have a better reason for doing so than the ones in The Mummy Returns.
Alex also inexplicably gets a love interest, a chinese girl who was guarding the tomb of the dragon emperor to make sure no one woke him up. Much like in the first movie, despite having succeeded for thousands of years, the guardians are no match for O'Connell spunk (even if this is the junior version). Fortunately she knows how to defeat the dragon emperor once he IS awakened, which really helps our heroes out, as apparently this mummy has the power to turn into a crazy three-headed dragon.
And this is really the problem. While the movie is fun, has very good action sequences, comedy, and even some believable plot, romance, and character development, the makers failed in one major respect: they got one of the present-day gods of martial arts, and had him be a three-headed dragon and some sort of crazy were-beast. It's JET FUCKING LI. He could beat the crap out of a three-headed dragon with his bare hands. I don't mind if you want to do Imhotep-style sandstorms and crap, but we hardly get to see any Jet Li in this movie. Even worse, Michelle Yeoh, of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon badassery, is also in this, and she fights Jet Li, and their battle lasts for LESS THAN A MINUTE (I timed it). Furthermore this is the only real fight she has in the entire movie. It's like, let's hire some of the best martial artists out there, then have them do like two scenes! yaaaaaaaaaaay!
At least it was cool while it lasted
And look, I know you all know how the movie ends. The Mummy is defeated, Rick O'Connell wins, that's how these movies all end. I won't spoil the details, but seriously, Jet Li would only lose to Brendan Fraser if he were force-fed muscle relaxants and had both his arms tied behind his back. No offense to Brendan Fraser but, I mean, come the fuck on.
Despite all my ranting, this IS a fun movie. It's not as good as the first two by any means, but I still find it to be entertaining and rewatchable. However I can't in good conscience give this anything better than a "gouda-nuff" rating because of the severe lack of Jet Li kicking ass. Still, the plot is sound enough to have genuine interest in the characters and what will happen next, although it's not really edge-of-your-seat, and Michelle Yeoh at least gets to show off her acting skills. If you really want to see a Jet Li movie, this is not for you, but if you want to enjoy an action/adventure movie that has pretty special effects and fun explosions, complete with chase sequences and armies of the undead fighting each other, this is the movie for you.
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